Is it me or does it seem like mainstream music media used to deliver “Top Ten Bands You’ve Never Heard Of”-type lists more frequently in the past?  Now that the proverbial playing field has been squashed like a dung beetle trying to cross the 405, it’s harder to say with absolute conviction what bands the average music fan has or hasn’t heard.  I’m putting this together with the full knowledge that most people who read it will spot a band or two they recognize and say to themselves “sheesh- I’ve been listening to that band for FOREVER and saw them at (insert sweaty hipster club here) a few months ago…”  I also know that my friends rely on my music tips to score cool points with their colleagues at work, not to mention the teenage girl down the street who plays Juno to their Jason Bateman.  So hear goes…top 11 bands you’ve never heard of to watch in 2008:

Foreign Born  http://www.myspace.com/foreignborn
As a music junkie, I make the exodus from the 818 to the 323 several times a year to reach the music mecca Amoeba Records whenever a 3 hour chunk of time and my bank statement allows.  There’s nothing like the blissful experience of rolling through The Last Music Retailer That Matters with an ever growing stack of plastic, storing up new music like a bear in preparation for a long winter’s hibernation.  My only complaint at times is what in Sam’s hell are they playing on the PA?!  It’s like for every hidden gem I find in the used section, I have to listen to a demo from the Cramps or some other grating relic.  Listen to On The Wing Now on your ipod next time instead.

Team Facelift   http://www.myspace.com/teamfacelift
The frontman of this hipster hop trio gave himself the MC moniker of Fat Jew, has photos of himself in his nasty stained tighty whities next to a donkey, and sites “sh*tting in bathrooms” as an “influence”.  Not sure I’d want to be roommates with the dude but damn if rolling with him wouldn’t make for a memorable night on the town. Best heard in the club when you’re trying to show him or her your skeeeelz.

Nico Vega   http://www.myspace.com/nicovega
Lead singer Aja is like that girl who lived down the street from you when you were growing up. She was a couple years younger than you, a lifetime when you’re in Jr High/High School, so you didn’t pay her much mind.  She thought you were kinda cute and would use a piece of misplaced mail as an excuse to pay you a visit but again, you were oblivious.  Then you show up at the Troubadour one night and this sexy dynamo of passionate energy owns the stage.  You can’t take your eyes off of her…looks familiar but you can’t place it…holy crap THAT’S AJA!?  Too late.

Does It Offend You, Yeah?   http://www.myspace.com/doesitoffendyou
Is there anything cooler than naming your band from a quote from the British version of The Office?!  It sort of steals the thunder from my idea of naming my band Dwight Schrute, but then again since I can’t play an instrument and don’t sing much outside of the shower so I guess I can let that dream lapse.  Best listened to while making out with some random chick (or dude) at the afterparty of the afterparty.

Pigeon John   http://www.myspace.com/pigeonjohn
Live hip hop has a dodgy reputation at best.  We’ve all been there- at the club, waiting at midnight, 1AM, 2AM for the headliner to finally go on before our drunk-blunt cocktail turns to hangover.  I am happy to say PJ is well above and beyond said live hip hop reputation.  On time and on schedule, the man grew up in the backdrop of the Lakers original LA home.  You need to wake up to “Weight Of The World” and put your best foot forward, no half step.

Astra Heights   http://www.myspace.com/astraheights
Four brothers plus one, rocking out in the Texas sun.  This is one of those bands who appears to have landed fully formed, and once they have about 9 months on the road, look out.  Best enjoyed with a Dos Equis in hand, known from personal experience.

Earl Greyhound   http://www.myspace.com/earlgreyhound
Ever have a vodka mixed with grapefruit juice aka The Greyhound?  Tart, intense, strong, and packing a trunk of tang, I’m not sure if Earl Greyhound has any affiliation with the cocktail but it fits.  This band kicks your band’s ass.  Best listened to at The Body Shop during Tiffany’s performance with a stack of dollar bills in hand.

Akron/Family   http://www.myspace.com/akak
They describe themselves as “Village People meet Carlos Castaneda on a Vision Quest”, proof enough why bands hire publicists to spread the word about themselves.  Sometimes you need to set aside the “sounds like the bastard child of Perry Farrell and Soliel Moon Frye”-esque comparisons and take a band for what it composes, great music.  Best listened to after the chick at the after-after party blows you off and you go home alone and confused.

Afrobots   http://www.myspace.com/afrobots
Some (most?) of the time you don’t need a blogger to drone on about the virtues of a new artist.  This is especially true with Afrobots.  Who needs to know more than the slogan on their myspace page: “loved by the streets/hated by the ninjas!”  Word.  Rico Dolce Riot AKA Afrobots keeps it real, rocking an ill electro funk blast set to rock the streets from LA to Sao Paulo.  Best listened to in the back alley behind the club amidst a haze of cigarettes, narcotics and the hooch you smuggled in from the liquor store down the street.

Scissors For Lefty       http://www.myspace.com/scissorsforlefty
Books of hooks from San Francisco, SFL boasts cuts together a pastiche of cool bouncing rhythms, angular guitars, driving beats.  Best enjoyed prepping for a night out on the town, “Lay Down Your Weapons” shall ensure you’re on time for the headliner.

Old Man River   http://www.myspace.com/oldmanriver
Despite the implication of the name, this is more of a what than a who, a band led by Ohad Rein who serves at the frontman, principal songwriter and was perhaps given the nickname of “Old Man River” because of his modernized folky-funky sound.  Confused yet?  The songs themselves, with titles like “La”, “Sunshine” and “Summer” sound like their titles- cool indie pop shuffles that practically demand removal of one’s shoes to feel the ground (preferably a beach or similarly peaceful body of water) beneath the listener’s feet.